Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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