yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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