His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
