I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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