Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
