party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
