I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
