nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
