remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
