the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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