why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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