Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
