He is an equal opportunity slut.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
