There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
