So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
