No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
