i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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