its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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