Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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