Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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