She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
