he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
