I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
