Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
