i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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