Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
