I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Randomize
