is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we're making bets on your personal life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
