The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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