shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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