you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
