You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
