So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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