Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
