i think i have herpe
just one?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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