Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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