Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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