had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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