we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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