im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
