dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
