I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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