the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
