you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
