Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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