He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
