Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
