this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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