I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
