Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
