Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
