something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
