the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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